After I got married, just before I was pregnant
I bought a mahogany guitar.
I’ll play it on trail rides…
Hold sing-a-longs…
Belt out solos that’ll make them
take off their cowboy hats…
From the poem “That Was Years Ago” from The Liminal Space
Fast forward 20 years…Last night I resumed my guitar lessons with my teacher Helen. She’s an accomplished musician and a bit of a saint in my book! We connect over video conferencing and are together for an hour every other Tuesday night. Sometimes I just don’t know if I can do it. It doesn’t have anything to do with Helen, it has to do with me thinking it’s silly that I’m learning guitar at my age, singing like I don’t have a care in the world and talking about a possible open mic night. Who am I?! I’m learning who I am. And it’s not a re-invention of who I am, it’s a discovery of who I am and my passions; my purpose in this life. It’s so scary to think about being on stage singing and playing guitar. I’m triggered back to my years in treble choir wearing polyester colors-of-sorbet dresses singing showtunes. So often in my life I’ve put my dreams on hold or didn’t even dare to dream or think of the impossible. To outsiders it might look like I’m doing okay in the “dream arena” with a second book on the way. But I struggle sometimes because I haven’t always believed in myself. It is a lot easier to believe in others and be champions for family, friends and co-workers than look in the mirror and say, “Dream away! Don’t let anyone stop you!” If you have always wanted to play that guitar, sing that song, write that book, let this be your sign to go for it! I am in your corner. And I will be at that open mic night someday, you can count on it.
Tell me a dream you want to come true in the comments. Let’s put it out in the universe together!
Let’s chat soon.
With affection,
Carrie VS
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